This Could Only Happen To Me. True Story.

I struggle with my weight. There is a thin person inside of me and she is out from time to time. But sometimes she hides. There are all sorts of complicated issues wrapped up in the three preceding sentences. It’s really that simple.

So there’s that.

Also, I dated someone on and off for a few years while I was between husbands. The on part was understandable, I suppose, because after ending a really unfortunate marriage (to say the least) that produced two of the best now-grown-up women I know in the world (to say the least), I was desperate had no desire to date anyone for much more than a little adult companionship. The off part was understandable because we were mismatched in every way. The best part of the mismatching was that this guy totally knew how to have fun and I didn’t. At all. And I learned to have fun, which is awesome. The worst part of the mismatching was that all that this guy knew how to do at that time was have fun, and I had two young daughters and a life to get in order. My life and I may or may not have been a bit of a train wreck at the time. So as I got my life in order, he had to go. So he did, but first he cheated on me with another woman who eventually became my best friend in law school although I didn't find out about that until I was in law school. I'm not making this up.

So there’s also that.

When I was dating this guy I was very thin, probably owing to being freshly divorcing and fraught with worry about my kids and happier than I’d ever been in my life because F.R.E.E.D.O.M. from oppression is awesome. Etc. Then this guy and I broke up for good. I went to law school. I met my then-best friend and found out she dated my ex-boyfriend while I was dating him. And I met Tom. (Tom who was and is totally hot, as pictured above in my blog masthead. Just saying.) Tom became my other best friend. I lived happily ever after. And I struggle with weight from time to time.

So there’s that, too.

Fourteen years ago, during a time that I had put on some weight and happened to be buying an ice cream cone at the Thrifty Drug Store in Beverly Hills, I turned around and there was the ex-boyfriend. It was bad enough to run into an ex-boyfriend when not looking at all hot, but did I have to be eating a double-scoop chocolate ice cream cone?

I lost weight after that and looked hot. I did not once run into him or any other ex-boyfriends while I was looking hot.

Now I have put on some weight again over recent months years.

Today, while on vacation at the family camp we have been going to every year for the past sixteen years that never before was attended by any ex-boyfriends at all, I was standing at the food counter ordering an Oreo milkshake, when I turned around and there he was. SERIOUSLY? I managed to slip away unseen, but am sure to run into him soon since this family camp is only so big.

If anyone needs me, I’m under the bed in my cabin until Saturday -- or until I learn whatever lesson the Universe wants me to learn at ice cream counters that are frequented by ex-boyfriends. Also, if anyone has any insights about the mysterious lesson that has eluded me for fourteen fifty years, I took my laptop under the bed with me and the Wi-Fi signal is strong down here.

So that’s that.

The Ids Have It

During our morning walk today, Laura told me that a former classmate of hers told her an inappropriate joke.


Me: "What did she tell you?"

Laura: "I've done my best to forget it."

Me: "You don't remember anything?"

Laura: "It was so gross that the gates of my superego opened and I sent it to my id so that my ego wouldn't have to deal with it."

Me: "Okay then, I guess we must leave it at that."

Laura: "Unless it comes up in my dreams. So far, it hasn't."