The Big Reveal: Why Jeff Probst Would Never Vote Me Off His Island

Sorry to leave all three of you hanging . . . but I was on vacation, yo. And guess what else? My scanner, hard drive, and emails waited until I came home to take their vacations. This greatly impacted the amount of fun I have wasting time on Facebook my productivity. But I fixed the scanner, hard drive, and email situation . . . and I didn't even have to call my son-in-law (who happens to be an Apple Genius, just saying). (You're welcome, SIL.)

So, now that I can scan stuff for blogging purposes, send and receive 578 emails daily with Kate and Trish, and upload photos to Facebook again I'm able to work again, I have a two-for-one message. True story. I'm going to reveal why Jeff Probst would never vote me off his island and throw in a special back-to-school public service announcement.

We all know (because I brag a lot) that I have awesome hair, mad ice cream- and pizza-making skillz, and that I'm a whiz with Photoshop. Also, everyone but one person thinks that my chocolate challah bread pudding is mouthwatering, but that's a post for another day. I may or may not be slightly stalker-y, but that's only with one man and that's because he sings like an angel and has bedazzled eyes. Duh. But none of these are the reason that Jeff Probst would never vote me off his island.

As it happens, Laura keeps a Survivor water bottle on her desk at school, which sparked a conversation between me and her teacher last semester. I told her that my husband and I have seen every episode of every season of Survivor. And in the last few years, Laura has become a Survivor fan too. You know how some guys remember the college stats of professional ball players and such like? Zzzzz. Oh! Sorry! I wrote the words "professional ball players" and dozed off for a second. Anywho. Laura remembers Survivor stats. It isn't just that she remembers who won each season. She can tell you every person's name from each tribe, who voted out whom, who was in an alliance with whom, and such like. I wonder if we could teach her to do that with cards and take her to Vegas? Anyway, I also told Laura's teacher that I threw a Survivor party for Tom's 40th birthday, which is also a post for another day.

In short (as if I ever am), Laura's teacher knew that we are devoted Survivor fans.

And, as it turns out, Laura's teacher has family who work on Survivor and know Jeff Probst.

ARE WE THERE YET? Almost.

So why would Jeff Probst never vote me off his island?

Amongst the aforementioned mad skillz and traits that I have, I am badass when it comes to helping with teacher prep work. I love to cut, paste, mount, photocopy, organize, laminate, file, punch holes, staple, sort, clip, stand on chairs and hang up stuff, and basically do any work that teachers need done. I love it. I really do. I have my greatest moments of zen when I'm cutting and pasting stuff for a teacher. True story. Also, I liked being the teacher's pet when I was a kid, and apparently I still like it.




So because I have no life, job, or skills besides owning awesome hair and being able to blend strawberries and cream into a frozen concoction that helps anyone who tastes it hang on would come into the classroom on a moment's notice and help a lot with prep last year, Laura's teacher sent me a bunch of Survivor stuff. I got the signed photo from Jeff (we're on a first name basis, obviously), a signed hat, other hats, visors, shirts, buffs, and such like.




Now, for the public service announcement.

School is back in session for many, many children and their hard-working teachers. Help out a teacher in any way that you can. Volunteer. It's a good thing to do. And you never know who your child's teacher might know. Heh. But seriously, folks. I will be volunteering to help Laura's teacher again this year, and not because of who she might know. Although you know I'd be less than honest if I didn't say right now that a little part of me hopes that Laura's teacher is BFFs with Adam Lambert.