Can I Have Your Autograph? Yes, I Mean You.

The side effects from spending even one day at Disneyland in the summer typically include constipation (from consuming mass quantities of Kid Crack sugar), headache (from spending enough money on one ticket to fill a gas tank), kinetosis (from going on Space Mountain again after swearing every previous time never to do that again), and enochlophobia (from the repeated infiltration of one’s personal bubble). Southern Californians and visiting tourists alike might consider simply referring to this state as Disneyland Induced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (“DIPTSD”). So, then, you might be wondering why “someone," who shall remain nameless, in the acute stages of DIPTSD from spending three days and nights at Disneyland would haul her sorry butt back up to Anaheim only two days after she’d fled the scene made it out alive returned home. It turns out that “someone” may or may not be like a 47-year-old groupie, and she’ll do anything to meet someone else whom she considers to be something of a celebrity.

Blogging and bloggers have been compared to many things by many people, so my comparing reading blogs to watching a good television show may or may not be a novel idea, but if you’ve already read it or said it elsewhere, then leave a link in the comment section for extra credit. (If I were to start finding and adding hyperlinks to some of the bloggers who have written about the multifaceted phenomenon of blogging relationships, there’d be a long list of links to posts better than this, and I want you to stay here and comment, okay? Because today? I’m feelin’ like a comment ‘ho.) What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Blog reading is like watching a good television program. There are funny posts (like sitcoms), posts about travel, art, environmental issues and animals (like documentaries), posts about movies, cooking, parenting, social issues, and books (like talk shows), posts about dieting, gadgets, and laser hair removal (like infomercials), and posts about sex, marriage, and relationships (like cable). But reading blogs is really better than watching a good TV show because the characters are real people (even if some have a nom de plume). And yet? Just because the stories are about real people, it isn’t like reality television. The challenges aren’t staged, the audience is likely to be nodding in understanding because the experience posted about is shared, and there is no big cash prize at the end – unless there is a book deal, of course.

When I first started blogging (in June 2006) I. Had. No. Idea. that there we so many other bloggers out there blogging. Prior to Blog This Mom!, my writing mostly stayed in Word files, although sometimes I emailed stories to close friends or relatives. At the end of every year, I would spend a ghastly amount of time culling my favorites from those stories and would package them up in some sort of holiday greeting newsletter, comic strip, photo essay, or similar. And then I would spend another ghastly amount of time printing, folding, stuffing, sealing, stamping, and mailing envelopes. Every year. For the last thirteen years. Tom loved it. Then Blog This Mom! came along and gave me a place to post stories, thoughts, photos, and Other Stuff. And? It’s free. No postage. But I didn’t realize just how many other people were doing the same. I read a few blogs, and I mean a few. But this one time? I stumbled out into the Blogosphere, and I found myself intrigued, amazed, and, well, downright entertained. So I kept going back for more.

When the opportunity came up to meet some of these entertaining bloggers in person, I was all over it. And it was good. Last April, when Bossy came to town, a bunch of San Diego bloggers gathered and began a girl-love affair, started a group blog, held BitchHer 2008, and are currently looking for a parcel of land in a rural setting (near many fine restaurants, theaters, spas, shopping, and a with a very reliable ISP) on which to build a compound where we can reside happily ever after.

A couple of weeks ago (pokey posting is another documented side effect of DIPTSD), I found out that one of my favorite bloggers, Kalynne at The Philosopher-Mom would be in Anaheim. So I put dealing with my DIPTSD on the back burner by repressing only the painful memories of Disneyland. I grabbed my camera, but suppressed the urge to bring an autograph book, although I felt like I was about to meet a star. Because? Kalynne is a star to me. In fact, I think that about all of the bloggers whose posts I read regularly. ‘Cause, jeepers, if I didn’t think they were stars at what they do, I wouldn’t be reading them regularly.

After reading The Philosopher-Mom for many months (and going back through archives too), I expected an intelligent (like, yo, totally smart) woman with boundless energy (she totally does everything) and beauty (yeah, she's totally hawt). But I also expected someone who had just traveled across the country, spent the day at a conference where she had a slew of academics dancing in the aisles as she presented a paper, and who would be traveling home the next day to prepare her nine (yes, nine) children for the start of the school year, to be a bit, I don’t know, distracted. But she wasn’t. She was fully in the moment, with a manner as warm as her accent.

And it was nice to also meet in person that petite powerhouse of a woman who’d arranged this gathering, JCK at Motherscribe. I’d only recently been introduced to her blog. She’s elegant, but not stuffy. She’s accomplished, but unpretentious. She’s sweet, but not ooey gooey. She’s cultured, but can rock a pair of Levi’s like no other.

Although I’d already been up close and personal with her, the evening was really a three-for-the-price-of-one if you count Jenn at Juggling Life, who rode up with me. And who wouldn’t count the level-headed, big-hearted, perfectly coiffed Jenn?



What happens at blogging gatherings stays at blogging gatherings, unless bloggers are there. All I am saying about the conversation between these folks who'd never laid eyes on each other before is that the range of topics included everything and anything. If you haven’t already, click over and check out The Philosopher-Mom, Motherscribe, and Juggling Life, where every episode post is sure to entertain.



Note: Blog This Mom! will be unplugged until September 1 or so as she actively pursues treatment for her DIPTSD gets leid vacations with her family in Maui. Stay tuned . . .

For Laura's Big Sisters

Deb over at San Diego Momma brings us "PROMPTuesday #18: Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word"

The prompt from Deb this week is as follows:

William Carlos Williams’s poem “This is Just to Say” is basically about people who know they are supposed to say I’m sorry and apologize — but skirt the apology itself. Here is his poem:

This Is Just to Say


I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox



and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast



Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold

So the PROMPT for today is to write your own version of the poem.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

While on vacation this year, Laura had a frozen yogurt & Oreo shake for the first time. These Oreo shakes were The Favorite Vacation Treat of Laura's big sisters, Kristen and Courtney, when they were little dudes. Laura was very excited to follow in her big sisters' footsteps this year.

So . . . in accordance with William Carlos Williams's style and in keeping with San Diego Momma's interpretation of the poet's work, I wrote "For Laura's Big Sisters" because, really, who better to "apologize" in such a manner than a little sister to her big sisters?

This is Just to Play


I have eaten

the shake

that you ate

in years past



and which

you were probably

yearning

for again



Remember

it was delicious

so sweet

and so cold

Family Dynamics: From the Fly on the Wall

Laura was very chatty one afternoon, and Kristen had been patiently listening and answering questions for quite a while.

Kristen: [sighs]

Laura: “Kristen, why don’t you want to talk to me?”

Kristen: “It’s not what you’re saying, it’s the amount.”

_____________________________


Adam and Cheri were sitting at the kitchen table with their Mac laptops open.

Cheri: “Dang it. My Mac just ran out of battery.”

Adam [unplugging his laptop and holding out his power cord]: “Have some Apple juice.”

_____________________________


Cheri was on the phone planning lunch with Bryce at his summer job at Google.

Cheri: Just give me the address of your building and I can download a map.

Bryce: Or you can just Google Google.

_____________________________


We were at our hotel getting ready to go to Disneyland.

Cheri: “You’re wearing Hannah Montana crocs, a Mickey t-shirt, a Tink hat, a Minnie Mouse necklace, and you want to wear a pirate necklace too?”

Laura: “I’m trying to have on as many Disney features as possible.”

_____________________________


Laura was sitting quietly in the back seat of the car holding Cheri's new cell phone. Kristen was sitting in the front seat, looking in the rear-view mirror, trying to remove something from her eye, when Kristen’s cell phone beeped with an incoming text message.

The text message on Kristen’s cell phone from Cheri's cell phone said: “What is in your eye?”

_____________________________


Cheri was sitting at the kitchen table with wet hair and no makeup. Kristen pointed the camera at her and Cheri quickly covered her face with her hands.

Kristen: “Mom, you look like one of those women on Cops just as she’s about to take off running barefoot through a trailer park.”

_____________________________


Every night, Cheri sings "Amazing Grace" to Laura and scratches her back before Laura goes to sleep. During the song one recent night:

Cheri [singing]: “How precious did that grace appear, the hour . . .”

Laura [sleepily]: “Mommy, I’ve gotta have more cowbell.”

Click here for SNL's "Bruce Dickinson's Gotta Have More Cowbell" skit with Blue Oyster Cult, Will Farrell, and Christopher Walken. I couldn't embed it, but it's worth the click if you haven't seen it (or haven't seen it lately).

Observing the Force

Deb over at San Diego Momma presents . . .

PROMPTuesday Exercise #17: Get Specific

Deb’s exercise this week: Get specific with your writing. As written in the Observation Deck, “Never just say ‘red dress,” say ‘ultra revealing micro mini with fringe.” Today, write a paragraph or a poem about anything, perhaps your first car, and describe it to the smallest detail. Or, start a sentence to flesh out an adjective, like, “He was so lazy that . . .”

Deb’s rules this week: Please note that there are no rules for this prompt.


Woo hoo! No rules! The first rule that I would be breaking if there were rules this week? I’m writing this on Wednesday. Mwah ha ha! And the second rule that I would be breaking if there were rules this week? I totally went over the usual word limit. I’m a rebel, I tell you, a rebel! And the third rule that I would be breaking if there were rules this week? No ten-minute time limit. I totally took a good hour or so! Woo hoo!

Here’s my specific submission:

Observing the Force

“'May the Force be with you' is charming but not important. What’s important is that you become the Force, for yourself and perhaps for other people.”
~Harrison Ford

Dear Tom,

The Sunday sky was clear, the air was balmy, and the gentle breeze was comforting. I caught the sparkle in your eye and the warmth in your answer when I suggested taking a picnic to the beach. I loved our teamwork, packing the lunch, loading the boogie boards and towels and umbrella into the car, and how you patiently circled the parking lot while I ran into the drug store to buy beach chairs to replace the ones that I had given away during an overzealous effort on my part to clean out the garage. We didn’t take Laura’s complaints about “detesting” the beach too seriously. Apparently, Laura didn’t take herself too seriously either, as she giggled while inserting protests into the conversation. Finally I said, “Laura, can you see the glass half full in this adventure?” She replied, “Mommy, that’s impossible when all there is to see is a completely empty glass.” Then she giggled.

True, my perfect driving record was spoiled by a metal pole with road rage the day before, but we noticed that my overall Car Karma remained intact as we parked in my usual spot, i.e., the parking spot closest to my destination. You cheerfully toted the lunch, boogie boards, towels, and umbrella across the sand, while I covertly ogled your strong biceps and brown back. We found the perfect spot on the crowded beach, and those new chairs afforded us a cozy position from which we could eat our sandwiches and look upon the crashing waves. After lunch, as Laura tentatively put her toes in the water, she held her boogie board and watched the other children jumping and splashing in the ocean, and riding their boogie boards in the waves. She said that the seaweed was making her nervous, and she kept running to the dry sand to avoid it.

I stood by your side, with our toes in the water, and I told you that I wished that Laura wasn’t afraid of the ocean. I told you that it made me sad to watch Laura watching the other children as they jumped and splashed in the ocean, and rode the waves on their boogie boards, particularly since Laura has always been a strong swimmer. I told you that I know that Laura is our baby, and that we naturally want to protect her, but I was afraid that perhaps we’d done it too much in some ways. I told you that I feared we'd taken from her the sense of accomplishment and the joy she would have by stretching herself in new ways, in this case jumping and splashing in the ocean, and riding the waves on her boogie board.

You took my hand and looked into my eyes so tenderly. I felt connected to you, as we are, of course, but it was good to feel it in that moment. We stood like that for a while, side by side. A little while later, you stepped away from me and moved to where Laura was standing, in ankle-deep water. You gently asked Laura if you could carry her out into the water, just up to your waist. Your voice was so soothing, but you didn’t treat her like a baby. She sensed your strength, I think, because she reached up to you and held on, eager and willing, despite her fear. I couldn’t hear what you said to her after that, but I watched you both and my heart could feel that your words were just right.

Step by step you went further and further into the ocean, with Laura in your arms, until soon the water was up to your chest. I was aware that there were scads of parents and children all around you, but in my eyes it was as if the sun was shining a spotlight down on only you and Laura. I could see you jumping and splashing in the waves, with Laura still in your arms. And after a while, just as gently as the sea foam laps up onto the shore, I saw you set Laura down and take her hand. She looked up at you. She looked out at the waves. And then you jumped and splashed together. Soon, the waves were crashing over you both as you dove under them together, holding hands. In a dance-like motion, while still holding hands, you changed places and put your backs to the crashing waves, and jumped some more.

As my eyes drank in the nourishing sight of Laura’s joy, she let go of your hand, and I gulped down my own fear. I watched you keep your eyes on Laura as she jumped and splashed and dove and laughed, in the waves, on her own. After that she reached for the boogie board and began riding it over the waves. The smile never left her face. Even when that other child’s boogie board ran over her, and Laura went under, she came up sputtering and smiling. She stayed in the water for so long that we finally had to coax her out when our lips turned blue from the cold.

Into the ocean went a father, a husband, a protector, a leader. Out of the ocean came a daughter, a brave girl, a willing spirit, a joyful child. And on the sand stood a mother, a wife, an observer, a blessed woman.

Love, Cheri

Have You Ever Broken Up With Someone On Your Blog?

Dear katydidnot:

Remember how I fell in love with your ponytail and you fell in love with my pool? Remember how we talked about staging a coup and ousting my current spouse so we could totally take over the house? Remember how we emailed each other about getting married and living happily ever after with the kids, the ponytail, and the pool?

I am sorry to inform you that recent events have compelled me to issue an advisory. It turns out that it may not be in our best interests after all for us to plan a merger of our best interests.

Remember how I opined that opposites attract? And how I suggested that we would balance each other? We’d be all yin and yang. We’d be all sunrise and sunset. We'd be all proton and neutron. We’d be all Rhoda Morgenstern and Mary Richards. Remember? And there was proof. Remember?

You’re HP. I’m Mac.

You’re spontaneous. I plan for every contingency.

You drop cupcakes. A cupcake in my hands would be shoved down my throat too fast for that.

You lose your keys. I know where to find every scrap of paper upon which I ever jotted a number.

You bash up your car. I have a perfect driving . . . what?



You know how I just boasted posted about my perfect driving record? Well. Karma? She’s a bitch.

Love, Blog This Mom!

P.S. I also left my car keys sitting on Tom’s car yesterday. This morning, after Tom left for the gym? I found my keys a half a mile away in the middle of a Very Busy Road. There were no survivors.



Karma? Turns out she’s a bitch with a sense of humor.

P.P.S. And that metal pole by the pump at that busy gas station on Saturday? The little effer totally jumped out and bashed itself into my car. Without warning. Oh yes it did.

The Annual Pilgrimage Destination is Revealed

You've been glued to your all week waiting to learn the destination of our annual pilgrimage, haven't you? Once again, our happy feet took us to the Happiest Place on Earth (or so it is dubbed by that magical group of marketing mice over at Disney).

We Nourished Our Souls

(Read: We Ate Mass Quantities of Junk Food)

We Paid Homage to Creative Genius

(Read: We Submitted to the Power
of Multinational Corporate Domination)

We Felt Our Spirits Soar
(Read: We Enjoyed Rides and Other Attractions)

We Donned Ceremonial Garb
(Read: We Wore Themed Shirts and Hats)

We Studied Sacred Texts to Earn Rites of Passage
(Read: Adam Googled for Tips on How To
Make Efficient Use of the Fastpass Service)

We Demonstrated Our Solidarity with Other Americans
(Read: We Waited in Long Lines)

We Got Soaked
(Read: We Spent Lots of Money)

Annual Pilgrimage Archives:

Click HERE for a Most Excellent Post and a few photos from the August 2006 pilgrimage.

Click HERE for photos from the August 2007 pilgrimage.

Click HERE for more photos from this year's pilgrimage.

The Annual Pilgrimage

Every August our family makes an annual pilgrimage. We go forth to eat mass quantities of junk food nourish our souls, submit to the power of multinational corporate domination pay homage to creative genius, enjoy rides and other attractions feel our spirits soar, wear themed shirts and hats don ceremonial garb, Google for tips on how to make efficient use of the Fastpass service, study sacred texts to earn rites of passage, and wait in long lines demonstrate our solidarity with other Americans.

This is a picture of Laura from last year's pilgrimage:



Can you guess where we will be? I'll post pictures when we get back!

And We Have a Winner!!!

At 11:59 PM on August 1, Laura and Cheri were fast asleep in their beds, while Visions of Anything With Sugar In It danced in their heads. So . . . first thing in the morning on Saturday, August 2 . . .

(Can we have a drum roll please?)

(Thank you.)

. . . we went into a darkened hallway (aka "our library"), pretended it was 11:59 PM on Friday, August 1, and Laura picked a name from one of her favorite hats.

And we have a winner! The fabulous BitchHer '08 bag goes to Susan at Wine Glass Half Full!!! Congratulations Susan!!! You are officially a Bitch! (Susan, I sent you an email and will mail your bag just as soon as I get your address.)

The good news? It's never too late to be a Bitch!
Click RIGHT HERE to order your BitchHer '08 bag
from Trish's mommy blogger shop!

Now, here's what you've all been staring at your all week waiting for: The Answers! Starting with number one at the top, going left to right, the photographed item is matched to the BitchHer '08 blogger to whom it belongs.


1. = A. This is Trish's Blog (Trish)
2. = H. Blog This Mom! (Cheri)
3. = G. San Diego Momma (Deb)
4. = C. katydidnot (Kate)
5. = FREE SPACE (Bitchy Shoe-Love photo)
6. = B. Jenn at Juggling Life (Jenn)
7. = E. thematically fickle (Aaryn)
8. = F. Little Dragon Fruit (Sam)
9. = D. Mel, A Dramatic Mommy (Melanie)

Thank you to everyone who played!

_________________________

On another matter, my blogroll was suffering from Severe Update Lag. I sent out a roll call notice and asked anyone who wanted to be added to let me know. And I have added you, with a twist. You see, I suffer with Acute Change-o-phobia, so when suburbancorrespondent made a suggestion ("Cheri, get the live blog list available from Blogger. All the cool girls have it!"), I took a tranquilizer early this morning and did it. So effective was that tranquilizer, I did not even have to get Trish on the phone to talk me down from the ceiling, as I usually do when I'm about to do anything new at all, even change toilet paper brands make a change in my blog layout. Look over there ---> on my sidebar ---> under "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" If you don't see your blog listed there, please don't take it personally. I like you. I really, really do. I just have a hard time with all these dadgum buttons in front of me. Just leave me a comment and I will add your blog to the list.

Last Chance to Win a Fabulous Bag!

Today, Friday, August 1, is the last day to enter a comment here for a chance to win a fabulous BitchHer ’08 bag. At 11:59 PM, PST, Laura will pull one name from a hat! The lucky winner will carry the baggage that the San Diego Blog Bitches carry. I will post the winner's name on Saturday, August 2!

Click Now and Enter!

And . . . Roll Call!

Also, dear Readers Reader, my blogroll is in dire need of updating! Take a peak over there ----> on the sidebar ----> yonder ----> under "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" If you don't see a link to your blog, leave a comment on this post and I will add you to my list.