Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Wise Men Bring Gifts

It is PROMPTuesday #35: The Secret over at San Diego Momma.

Deb’s PROMPT: Tell a secret. A true secret. About yourself.

Deb: Cool. Kind of like Post Secret, except not because you want me to post my secret on my blog for the world both of my readers to read and know that the secret posted is my secret. And, of course, no postcards are involved. So, yeah, cool.

Readers: Rather than tell all both of you my secret right up front, why don’t you read my story and see if you can find my secret before you get to the end. There was a pun in the last sentence, and the pun was at the end. Also? My secret has to do with buns, and buns rhyme with puns. Speaking of rhymes, my secret rhymes with Freud, and Freud would probably have a thing or two to say about someone whose puns rhyme with buns.


Wise Men Bring Gifts

I have been having a hard time sitting down for extended periods of time, and going number two for the last couple of days is especially painful. The reason I can’t sit or poop comfortably rhymes with Freud. I might as well put that right out there rather than make you wait until the end. There’s that intended pun – the end, and pun rhymes with bun. The thing that rhymes with Freud is in my bun end. Are we all on the same page? If not, keep reading.

So not being one to complain about medical conditions (I have a straight face, do you?), I casually mentioned to Tom that the Preparation H in our medicine cabinet expired five years ago, and I didn’t think it was working on my end. My buns were still uncomfortable after using it for a couple of days, buns rhyming with puns, of course. And then I didn’t mention my secret that rhymes with Freud again, except for when I’d sit down or poop.

On Sunday, Laura and I were baking cookies. From scratch, with organic ingredients, and they were shaped like ducks. I’m not making any of this up. Tom left to go get a pedicure. I’m still not making any of this up. Now Tom really isn’t in it so much for the pedicure as he is the foot and neck massage that he gets simultaneously with his pedicure, by two women at once. Yes, you read that correctly, two women at once massaging my husband. I allow this because Tom allows me to lust after blog about church bass players, Johnny Depp, Wentworth Miller, hawt toenail-removing doctors, and so forth. Tolerance Trust Tolerance and trust are two of the secrets to a successful long-term marriage, by the way, and ours has lasted thirteen years to the day. (Happy Anniversary, Honey, now excuse me. I gotta get back to writing yet another post about the intimate details of our lives.)

When Tom came home from his ménage a pedicure, he had a bag in his hand and proffered it to me. “I brought you something,” he said. I thought, “Wow! What could it be?” I was a little bit excited and quickly opened the bag. What to my wondering eyes did I see? Why it was a brand new tube of Preparation H! I was immediately touched. I really was. I felt so loved. I really did. You see, I hadn’t even asked him to go to the store for me. He thought of it all on his own. And I noticed that he even got the extra-strength kind with pain reliever. He must really love me.

But that’s not the end of the story. Oh, no, it’s not. Now I have to back up a bit. Tom injured his hamstring last week while running, and he’s got a pretty serious limp going on. In fact, after he hurt himself Laura said, “Between Daddy’s hamstring and Mommy’s toe, I don’t have a parent who can walk.” (My toe is better, by the way, and thanks to all of you who’ve asked. Seriously.) Now back to the story about the thing in my bun end that rhymes with Freud: Tom told me that when he went into the drug store, it was very crowded with shoppers. He said that he felt a little self-conscious when he had to limp to the cash register with freshly pedicured feet holding a tube of Preparation H.

(Pictures courtesy of Google Images.)

27 comments:

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

Tom is my new best friend, or my best newly discovered long lost cousin or something---that is QUITE a story for an anniversary. Congrats! :)
Does your toe, Cheri darling, still look like a Smurf?

blognut said...

I'm howling right now. There are people outside of my office wondering what is going on, but I can't tell them I'm reading/writing blogs in here. That would be unprofessional and we all know that's my little secret.

Sarah J Clark said...

Eyes. Watering. So funny.

Is your husband a metrosexual? THAT'S a blog.

Glad your toe is better. Is your nail growing back? Pictures please. Unless of course it's super gross.

xoxox

smalltownmom said...

Great secret-telling. Love the ending.

Sojourner said...

ROFLMAO

Glad to hear the toe is getting better. Happy Anniversary. That Tom sure is a great guy! Yes he is.

But I have a question...always a question from good ol' Sojourner. Is the reason you didn't put the word hemorrhoid in your post because you couldn't spell it, or it would embarass you?

Csquaredplus3 said...

Happy Anniversary!

I hope your problem - the one that rhymes with Freud - doesn't get in the way of a little celebrating. Let us know how this ends... (No pun intended - I know... pun rhymes with bun, which may or may not have something to do with Freud. This is a tough one...)

PS: Glad your toe is feeling better. My step-sister-in-law makes prosthetics for a living. I'm totally serious. I'll hook you up.

Manic Mommy said...

I didn't realize that 13 was the Hemorrhoid Anniversary. Or maybe it's the Preparation H Anniversary. Party on!

Janet said...

Now THAT'S true love! There's a Post Secret that spoke to me this week...I'm sure you know which one it was.

Thanks for the laugh and I'm not telling any of my secrets!

i am feathermaye said...

As you led us from the explanation of the expiration of the Preparation H to the preparation of cookies, I did such a double-take that I think I sprained something.

Thanks for sharing your secret ending!

Kat said...

If that isn't a great anniversary gift I don't know what is! That Tom is a keeper!

By the way, I knew what your secret was before I even got to your story. You had me at buns and Freud. ;)

g said...

that is hysterical. All of it! Brave Tom, for going to buy that for you, and especially with his pedicured toes.

I have been trying to get my husband to go for a pedi-masssage for years. He does make the awfullest mess with his nail clippers himself!

And regarding the the other little secret - welcome to the club, sistah! While I am currently unafflicted, after a rather horrendous bout with surgery & lengthy recovery, I heartily recommend Tucks - love them.

Best!

San Diego Momma said...

I'm also a Tucks devotee, like g. They saved my life after each pregnancy.

Also, Preparation H -- great for the butt and the face.

Not that I'd know anything about that.

katydidnot said...

i would never do that for you. i'd want to. but i wouldn't. but i still love you. but keep him.

i can't believe you posted that.

i love you even more now.

Last Place Finisher said...

I'm sitting here trying to think of something clever, but I'm a void (ryhmes with Freud). Don't mean to be glum (rhymes with bum). But your post is first class (rhymes with ...).

katydidnot said...

okay, i've been thinking about it. i would do it. i would buy you preparation H.

fine.

katydidnot said...

no i wouldn't.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

So your secret is out, but not your . . .!

apathy lounge said...

Sure the cashier looked at him funny. They probably thought the limp was due to the reason he was buying the "H".

dkuroiwa said...

Duck shaped cookies for Christmas? Works for me.

And that Tom? He totally buys your tampons too, doesn't he? (or whatever your personal product of choice is).

Ask Deb if she has "known someone" who has used Prep H. on their eyes...always hear about it, but never actualy from one who knows. I'm willing to try pretty much anything!

And yeah...how IS 'Lil Blue doing?

Angela said...

funny post hope the both of you are feeling better

Bunny Bunster said...

Prep. H wipes are the bomb!

bernthis said...

Can't be worse then having to buy maxi pads. I don't think I'll ever get used to that.

MJ said...

Here's a little secret that I'll share with you considering your rhymes with Freud problem: after I gave birth to K and had several stitches (as a result of the vacuum and forceps ~ you get the idea), I had troubles sitting down. My grandma looked at me in the hospital and said, "You need a donut". Nope, not the Crispy Creme kind, the senior citizen kind. Apparently they are popular with the senior crowd for the rhymes with Freud problem. They are made of rubber and are inflated to look like a huge donut. I've saved mine for future use should I have a rhyme with Freud problem. It may be a worthwhile investment for you too!

Burgh Baby said...

I had no idea you were in love with the Noid. No idea at all. It's not something to be ashamed of, my dear. Be proud.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

ah, yes... true love... thou hast found it...

KEEP BELIEVING

Trannyhead said...

You must give great ... er .... flute playing on the green bean. *ahem*

Trish said...

Roids? Flute playing on the green bean? What is this blog coming to?

As Manic Mommy said. I didn't know 13 was the Prep H anniversary. I love that. And Tom. Well he just rocks for loving you that much.