Same-Sex Marriage and Gluten-Free Diets

NaBloPoMo Day Nine:
Same-Sex Marriage and
Gluten-Free Diets

Inquiring minds want to know: How did she work same-sex marriage and gluten-free diets into one post? It was like writing a Seinfeld episode, but a decade too late and without pay. But read on anyway if you don't mind.


My wife and I almost met for the first time in person over a cup of coffee. Almost because she was at one coffee place, and I was at another. Who do you think went to the wrong place? The woman who drops cupcakes, loses her keys, and has only one lightbulb in her house? Or me, the über-organized, recovering volunteer, former lawyer? Yeah, so, I went to the wrong place.

We courted. Briefly. We fell in love. Eventually. But first she was all girl-crush on Bossy this, and Bossy's sleeping at my house that. Whatever. I bided my time. I heard that Bossy was beautiful, warm, funny, and real. B.O.R.I.N.G. Bossy left town. Good riddance. Out of sight, out of mind. Except for Bossy's pesky newly re-designed awesome blog, she'd be all but forgotten. And when Bossy left? I moved in for the kill. Where moved in for the kill equals my wearing a team katydidnot T-shirt to our most recent group date. (Also, did you note how I did that "equals" thing that Bossy does? Bossy, watch out. First I stole your girl crush, next your blog.) My wife? Saw the T-shirt. And married me on the spot.

Tech Support? Bah. You'll need more than a T-shirt to take me down. And? You got nothing on me with your accent, motorcycle, and penis. She may sleep with you. She loves me. Which is why we tied the knot before Proposition 8 was passed (and now we look forward to the U.S. Supreme Court smackdown of this violation of our civil rights, by the way. A rant post about that is forthcoming.) Tech Support, you are so hosed because I have a secret weapon: I Can Read Her Mind. That's a skill you will never have because: P-E-N-I-S. Moreover, don't even try to neutralize me with your computer-repair skills or buying her a black iPhone for Christmas. (TS: Make sure it is black. Duh. I have to spell it out everything for you -- with links -- because: You Can't Read Her Mind Like Me. So, yeah, black iPhone. B.L.A.C.K.). Tech Support, there are two other reasons you can't be rid of me, ever, mwah ha ha. One is Laura. And the other is the Girl. They are in love too -- With. Each. Other. (Spelling it out for you there, Tech Support, did you catch that?). Our daughters fell in love, got married and had three children, sleep in a nest, and trot the globe together. Tech Support? These are the ties that bind.

Meanwhile, behind my back, in a conversation with karla with a k, which wasn't actually a conversation, more like a handing-karla-her-ass-on-a-plate, my beloved wife asked,

"And about reading labels...can anyone tell me what a gluten is? Really, anyone?"

Yes, my love, my katydidnot, I can tell you about glutens (I'm guessing Tech Support cannot even pronounce glutens, boo-ya to you, Tech Support, boo-ya). Here is an article I wrote for a friend's website on the subject, reprinted here, because katydidnot, my wife, my love, you asked.

Just what is gluten? And does anyone need to be free of it?

Gluten is a form of protein. It is found in wheat and other grains such as barley, spelt, kamut, and rye. Persons with Celiac Disease (a digestive disease that affects the small intestine and interferes with absorption of nutrients) and Dermatitis Herpetiformis (a severe skin disease) must follow a gluten-free diet. A gluten-free diet means avoiding most grain, pasta, cereal, and many processed foods. Although medical researchers say that over 100,000 Americans have been diagnosed with Celiac Disease, they estimate that if everyone with the disease were diagnosed, the numbers would be closer to three million.

So what about those who do not have Celiac Disease? Many people still suffer from some degree of gluten intolerance or sensitivity, causing symptoms ranging from bloating to rashes. Whether or not you have a serious disease or even a mild sensitivity, living gluten-free provides health benefits. People who follow gluten-free diets feel better simply because they eat fewer fast and processed foods. Lean proteins, fresh fruits, and vegetables can be enjoyed in abundance, and that is a good thing. Gluten-free products are becoming easier to find in major supermarkets, health-food stores, and even Trader Joe’s. Remember: Gluten-free does not mean sugar-free or fat-free, so read labels carefully!

(Sources: www.celiac.com, www.glutenfree.com, USA Today)

Readers: Any random thoughts today that you can weave together like a wannabe Seinfeld episode?