Assistant: [going over post-op instructions with Courtney]: I have to go over a few of the written instructions with you, so bear with me. Do you understand there to be a difference between immediately and ASAP?
Courtney: I feel that there is.
Assistant: And what do you understand the difference to be?
Courtney: Immediately means do it right away. ASAP means that I can take a pee first.
Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]
2. Between Kristen and Courtney on Easter, discussing Courtney’s recent post-op stay at home:
Courtney: Try sleeping in Mom’s office. The printer has a light on it that glows at night.
Kristen: It can’t be as bad as when Adam brought the laptop to bed the other night. I barely opened up my eyes, saw the glow, and thought that I was being abducted by aliens.
Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]
3. Between Tom and Adam, while playing Wii at Adam and Kristen’s place:
Tom [holding Adam’s Wiimote]: What’s with the ribbed-for-her-pleasure handgrip, Adam?
Adam: It’s a Wii condom, Tom.
Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]
4. Between Cheri and Adam, at Adam and Kristen’s place:
Me: Where did you get the awesome nightlight?
Adam: Oh, you mean Jesus?
Me: It's Mary you damned atheist [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe].
5. Between Adam and Laura, while Cheri was driving in San Francisco:
Adam [navigating]: Turn right on Haight.
Laura: I don't think you mean to say hate, Adam. It’s a very strong word.
Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]
6. While driving back to San Jose from San Francisco:
Laura: Mom, what's your favorite sport?
Me: Swimming.
Laura: Dad, what's your favorite sport?
Dad: Gymnastics.
Laura: Kristen, what's your favorite sport?
Kristen: Wii tennis.
Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]
7. After dinner tonight:
Click on over to ClunkClunk for this one.
Me: [eyes roll back and slam into occipital lobe]
Posts
12 comments:
I'm surprised your head didn't explode!
You have a very funny family.
And your occipital lobe must be very sore.
A Wii condom? Just what DOES that controller DO?
I like the difference between immediately and ASAP.
Yup! Very funny family, indeed! I liked the difference between ASAP and imediately and the Mary night light one.
On another note- ya gotta wonder what happened to that girl as a kid to make her so afraid of pickles. I mean some phobias are just plain silly but this is beyond anything I have seen.
Oh.My.Gawd. You had me on the floor.
Heidi
Be careful, your eyes might freeze that way.
I can barely see to type I have tears in my eyes from the laughter!! Thanks for brightening my day!
I thought the Wii condom was funny ... until I got to pickle girl. WTF? That's it. WTF?
Too funny!
All of it, just way too fun!
Oh my! I almost lost my pee over these! Thanks for a good laugh! =)
Are your eyes ok?
These were too funny.
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