He Wasn’t Packaged With a Warning Label

It has become increasingly apparent to me over the years that I have married the Pied Piper of the Pool. I will explain. According to the folk tale recorded by the Brothers Grimm, the Pied Piper of Hamelin played his pipe to lure children into danger. Tom doesn’t play a pipe, he does it with words. But as vocal chords are informally called “pipes,” one can readily see the parallel. The Pied Piper lured children into danger. Tom lures adults into danger, and lures adults into luring their own children into danger. The Pied Piper did it for revenge. Tom does it for fun. But he still does it.

Is Tom fairly titled the Pied Piper of the Pool? You decide. If a picture paints a thousand words, what about three pictures? (Simply click on each photo to see it enlarged. Please note that no women or children were harmed while taking part in the events documented in this post.)

In the first photo, Tom has lured Kim, Darla, and Guy onto the slide. Now at first glance you might notice that Tom’s thumb is just up under Kim’s bodacious ta ta. That’s not the danger into which she was lured. Not by a long shot. Tom would never grab her ta ta because he knows that her husband Scott owns big power tools and that I still have my divorce-lawyer skillz. Really, what could be more harmless than FOUR GROWN PEOPLE on a rock water slide going into the deep end of a pool while having previously sipped a little wine and beer?



In this next piece of evidence, er, photo we have Bill. Well, we can’t see Bill. Lucky for him we can see his baby, Mitchell. Bill was lured into going down the slide and into the deep end with his baby by Tom's repeated assurances that Bill could easily keep the baby out of the water by holding him up with both hands. And so Bill tried this much to the appreciation (read: horror) of Mitchell’s other parent, Chris, who was watching from the deck. It was just after this photo was taken that Mitchell went under, very briefly.



In our final photo of this post (the summer has only begun, so look for others as the season continues), we find that Tom was able to lure our friend Wendy into letting Tom see how high he could throw her son. I call this photo “Air Wesley.” Wesley was in complete agreement with this idea and demanded that Tom do it again, and again, and again, which Tom did.



Perhaps I will just start asking our close friends and relatives to sign a liability waiver when they come to visit. ;)